people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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