And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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