Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
