my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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