Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
