I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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