if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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