So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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