I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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