evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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