So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
