So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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