Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
