Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
