dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
