I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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