he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
