I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
