i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
