i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
