I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
