Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
