Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
