The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
