cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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