I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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