i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
