i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
