i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize