even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
