i jhust puked up my retainher.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
