my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
