my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
