My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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