What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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