He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
