Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
