When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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