I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
