he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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