I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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