im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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