I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
