he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i love accidental penises.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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