he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
