Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize