U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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