the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
