I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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