apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
