The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
