I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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