I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
