Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
