my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
