o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
