Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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