Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
