You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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