i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
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Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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