You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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