Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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