Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
