You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
