it's not cheating when I paid for it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
