you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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