My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
