is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
where are you?
Hypothermia
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
