also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
