Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
