there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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