So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
