I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
