Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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