she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
