I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
